Sexy Cinema: Lemon Popsicle (Eskimo Limon) (1978)

Lemon Popsicle must have been a labour of love for writer/director, Boaz Davidson. The film was said to be inspired by their experiences as teenagers growing up in Israel. I'm sure producers, Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan could relate to his story. The film was set in the 1950s and has more in common with later American teen movies. It's fair to say Lemon Popsicle suffers comparisons to American Graffiti and TV series, Happy Days.

Most of the films budget was spent on securing the song rights and thankfully they did, otherwise the rights would probably be too expensive now to secure a DVD release. It's mainly Rock 'n' Roll songs: Little Richard, Big Bopper, Bill Halley etc. The film also serves as period piece and is even more poignant now, given Israel is described as an "Islamic superstate" by the press, wrongly or rightly. It's also worth noting Tel Aviv was a big clubbing destination in the 90s, on par with Ayia Napa and Ibiza.

The film has a pretty similar plot to Porky's. Three 17-year-old boys go around chasing women trying to lose their virginity and generally just having fun. Nice guy, Benji falls for Nikki; unfortunately she dates his best friend Bobby and falls pregnant to him. Benji being in love with Nikki, pays for the abortion. Porky's is a straight comedy; Lemon Popsicle despite being billed as a comedy is more of a drama in places. The abortion scenes are appropriately downbeat and the whole film has a bitter sweet tone.  Isn't teenage life bitter sweet though?

The film did the rounds on bootleg VHS video in the 90s, at least in the UK. It's been released on DVD since although some of the DVDs are unauthorized (bootlegs) if they are by Jef Films or Televista. The UK DVDs are also now out of print. I would advise you to see it if you get the chance. The film is now regarded as a cult classic and was one of the films that successfully helped Golan-Globus buy The Cannon Group .

Sexy Cinema: The Big Switch (AKA: Strip Poker) (1968)

Pete Walker created this film as a guaranteed money spinner. The plot, based on 40s and 50s film noir and occasional nudity was engineered to appeal to American audiences. Pete Walker was proven right as the film was easily sold internationally.

The film predates Get Carter and some similarities can be drawn as both take place by the sea and both lead characters have the surname Carter, but that's really it.  Get Carter is a much better film and has a gritty atmosphere and great performance from Michael Caine. The Big Switch is almost camp - a shoot out takes place on a Ghost Train! Pure Scooby Doo. The now-kitschy 60s venues of nightclub and lavish apartments look so cool, at least to me, but they make the film seem cheesy and unrealistic.

The film falls down with lead character John Carter (played by Sebastian Breaks). Breaks looks the part, in his stylish suits and with his model good looks, but is emotionless. Sure, Jack Carter in Get Carter (Michael Caine) is a hard bastard, but he has the necessary vulnerability to make the character believable. While, John Carter is basically a poor man's James Bond without the charm or wit. Virginia Wetherell as Karen while pretty, is very wooden and emotionless in her role; a far cry from Cathy Tyson playing Simone in Mona Lisa. Worst of all is Derek Aylward as mob boss Karl Mendez - basically a pantomime baddy with a RADA accent. A posh thug could have been very interesting and convincing, but here it's just laughably camp. The best scene is a snowy shootout on Brighton pier, complete with a bad guy slipping on some snow.

The film was written in 24 hours and shot and edited in 14 days, for this alone it should be admired, but I see a lot of wasted potential in this film. I'm not sure if the rushed job or bad acting is most at fault. I can't help, but wonder what it would be like with Robin Askwith in the lead and instead of trying to be gritty, it went down the campy route. I suppose it would be a poor man's Casino Royale with tits and that would be no better. Pete Walker is an unsung hero of British horror and exploitation film and whilst The Big Switch is miles off, Pete delivered what he wanted to: sexy birds, casual violence and a portrayal of the sleazier sides of Brighton and London.


Look out for Pete Walker as the northerner complaining about the price of steak and chips. The price is now about the going rate in London.

Cool cars and kitsch in The Big Switch

Cinema of the Weird: 3 Nuts in Search of a Bolt (1964)

3 Nuts was pretty much a career ender for all involved. It's a comedy, almost a screwball comedy and part farce with some striptease scenes and nudity thrown in for good measure. To an extent star and director, Tommy Noonan was a few years ahead of the game. The British comedy series of films Carry On where still in their infancy in 1964 and some of the more popular titles such as Camping, Screaming and Up the Khyber hadn't been released. Carry On films are similar in some ways as they feature some implied sexual humour, brief nudity, but they up the farcical humour. The humour in 3 Nuts whilst absurd also deals with the dark theme of mental health issues in this case, Schizophrenia. It could be seen as a satire on the psychobabble shrinks use and media representation of mental health issues, but that is giving the film too much credit.

This film was a flop for Tommy Noonan, as I've said maybe it was too soon and whilst Tommy Noonan was a big-ish name star back in the day, if it had someone like Peter Sellers playing the lead role maybe it would have had more box office clout. But, I can't deny Noonan does a superb job at playing the lead and the direction is as good as any other crazy comedy from the early 60s. Mamie Van Doren plays Saxie Symbol (oh my aching sides) and her acting is of a high standard and is convincing at being both vulnerable and sexy, but she doesn't have the screen presence as say, Marilyn Monroe. Noonan went on to produce Cottonpickin' Chickenpickers this film was also unsuccessful and remains largely unseen today. Noonan died from a malignant brain tumour in 1968 which is a real shame as I think he had a lot of talent. Mamie Van Doren appeared in the film Slackers in 2002, Imdb list this as her latest film role, she has a minor cult following.

3 Nuts in Search of a Bolt is a curio to say the least. Not sexually explicit enough to even be considered a sexploitation film and at the time the sexier scenes may have alienated audiences, if the film was more graphic maybe it would have done the rounds on the grindhouse circuit. The film is arguably too rude for family viewing which stopped it appealing to a broader audience. It is well worth checking out as it has some great comic performances and is fairly obscure.

Mamie Van Doren as Saxie Symbol

Sexy Cinema: Don't Look Down (2008)

This film seems to have been marketed as a romantic drama, it is actually a very wry comedy. Maybe the humour was too subtle for some viewers. It reminded of the far superior The Rachel Papers, which summed up that ennui period between teenage life and adulthood much more perfectly. In The Rachel Papers, Charles was putting on an act; pretending to be smarter and more sophisticated than he is to impress Rachel. In Don't Look Down, Eloy is a clumsy young man who works as a stilt worker or wearing a pastry costume to advertise products. He doesn't read poetry or listen to classical music to impress the attractive, Elvira. She seems to like him for who he is or maybe she sees him as a project. She teaches him a range of tantric sex positions and techniques. It's nice to see a female in control in what is effectively a sex comedy. The sex scenes are plentiful, but not hardcore. There is a fair amount of nudity and that does seem to be the films main selling point. Without the sex scenes I think it would have been ignored. The film's plot is pretty flimsy and while Eloy is an interesting character - a somnambulist dealing with bereavement, it's not enough to elevate this film above average. 

Un-sexy films - The Fat Slags (2004)

Even the poster's bad

For those unfamiliar with British slang, a slag is a promiscuous woman. Ho and skank are synonyms. The Fat Slags is a comic strip in adult humour magazine, Viz. I'm a big fan of Viz magazine and have been reading it since I became an adult. The Fat Slags was never my favourite strip, but it captured the stereotype of drunken, obese and sexually willing women perfectly. Everyone knows or knew a fat slag.

The slags live on Shit Street (my aching sides) in a dump of a house. They get fired from their factory job and appear on a Jerry Springer style TV show. Simon Cowell style millionaire, Sean Cooley suffers a bump on the head and falls in love with the slags and gets them their own hit single and fame.

The film came to the big screen in 2004. If anything it was probably released five, if not ten years too late. The jokes seemed tired and despite some attempts at satire it doesn't really fit. The film was a massive flop. It was directed by, Ed Bye who directed and had a hit with Kevin & Perry Go Large. They picked the right director. The film flops for me as it just doesn't seem faithful to the source material. Yes, it's got some vulgar, toilet and sexual humour, but the slags aren't slaggy enough. The film tried to make them seem like loveable, bumbling idiots and seemed more annoying for it. The film received a 15 certificate in the UK and seemed watered down, at least in terms of sexual jokes. Fiona Allen played Sandra by donning a fat suit and wasn't really right for the role. Eastenders star, Sophie Thompson was much better. The make-up used was weird, they sort of looked like real-life cartoons, if that's not too oxymoronic to make sense. Such styles worked in The Flintstones movie and TV series Dinosaurs, but in The Fat Slags which is loosely based on real people, it is just unnecessary and maybe even childish. The attempts at satirising TV programmes like Jerry Springer, Pop Idol and multinational companies are too simplistic to be truly biting and Geri Halliwell playing a send up of herself would have been a good one-off joke, but not as an almost secondary character - she's in it for too long!

So far, The Fat Slags remains the worst film I've seen this year. It's far from being the worst film I've EVER seen, but given I'm a fan of Viz I'm sure many fans felt this film was a disservice. It was even condemned by its creators and it led to the comic strip being removed from the magazine. If you like The Fat Slags check out the animated episodes available on DVD, they're good and funny. In an interview Simon Donald said "Even the most idiotic, misguided teenage moron will not get a laugh out of this truly irredeemable crock of horseshit." That sums it up perfectly.

Sexy Cinema: Volere volare (1991)

We head to Italy this time, for the rare film, Volere Volare. Rather bizarrely it was produced in association with Silvio Berlusconi Productions. At the time he wouldn't have been that well known worldwide. It took me some time to track down a copy and I was disappointed by the film. The film came out at a time when film makers were trying to combine animation with live action, following the success of Roger Rabbit. Later we saw success of the formula with the blockbuster, Space Jam in 1996 and while Space Jam is a mediocre film at least to me it was infinitely better than early 90s shitfests like the atrocious, Evil Toons.

Maurizio is a weird fellow. He provides the dubbing sound effects for cartoons using car horns and whistles. He meets a woman who offers men a form of therapy by partaking in ridiculous tasks such as: taxi stunt racing and adult baby minding. Maurizio's brother works on the opposite end of the spectrum, dubbing what appears to be either porn movies or sexplotation films.

The film was a bit too farcical and slapstick for me. This film just seemed immature. The animation is of a good standard, but there is actually very little of it. The film was marketed as being sexy, apart from some attractive, young women in their underwear I'm not too sure that it is. The whole premise seems to be a series of absurd events leading to a woman having sex with a cartoon character. Or maybe I missed the point. I suppose the subtext, could be one of Maurizio becoming sexually aware. Not a bad film, but not a great one. The posters and cover art suggest a lot more fun is to be had than the film delivered.

Sexy Cinema: Mon Homme (1996)

We go to France for this edition of Sexy Cinema. Bertand Blier's often ignored Mon Homme is a great film. It's a non-judgemental look at prostitution and quite an understated film. No sensationalist violence, no explicit sex, all in all: a grown-up film.

Marie is a pretty prostitute who loves to have sex with men. A stark contrast from the string of desperate drug addicts we see in TV series like, The Vice. She's not a high class whore, like Belle de Jour in Secret Diaries of a Call Girl. She seems plain by comparison. A chance encounter with a homeless man in her building, leads to her having sex with him. After sex, a shower and dinner conversation; the two become lovers. The homeless man becomes her pimp. He takes on multiple women as his girls. He makes the mistake of trying to lure a seemingly innocent, office worker into becoming a prostitute. After riding the gravy train of wealth and lavish lifestyle he gets arrested by the vice squad. This leads to Homeless man, Marie and office girl discussing their relationships with a police officer. I'm not good at remembering names sorry.

The film doesn't pass judgement on sexuality or issues relating to prostitution. For a film made in the 90s, it seemed refreshing. Now in the media, it's hard to separate fact from fiction as to what prostitutes are really like. The most obvious answer would be: Multi-faceted from all walks of life. Yet, we are force fed that every whore is either the next Belle de Jour or the next victim of exploitation. Hardly balanced. The discussions in the film on sexuality are complex and lengthy. The dialogue is more graphic than the visuals. Marie is a complex characters and seems like a real, caring person.

If you are expecting sensationalism, look elsewhere. For a thoughtful and interesting take on Parisian prostitutes and pimps watch this.

Erotica that reads like a shopping list

I was reading Haven of Obedience recently, and with no disrespect intended towards the author, it was like reading a shopping list. I respect both, indie and mainstream authors, as writing is like giving away a fragment of you soul. Blood, sweat and tears immortalised in Times New Roman. Whilst it is an achievement to have a paperback printed, especially in the saturated "50 Shades" style erotica genre, is it an excuse for a lack of imagination?

To me it read as if the author was avoiding clumsy metaphors and vulgar slang. What we end up with is female genitalia being referred to as "sex lips" and oral sex described as "extensively licking". It's so insipid that I wish she had described the penis as "a purple-headed monster" just to inject a bit of humour. If it was a film it would be a drama told with po-faced seriousness. I can forgive an author for being serious or over-cautious, to avoid obvious clichés when describing sex. But, even the descriptions of objects are boring: "a semi-fitted cardigan". Was the author or publisher trying to avoid naming brand names? Brett Easton Ellis names nothing but designer threads and as far as I'm aware he hasn't been sued for it.

The other thing which was glaringly obvious to me was the dialogue was written how she thinks people talk, rather than how they actually talk. Many modern novels suffer from the over use of idiomatic phrases and weird vernacular. Once again, maybe she was being cautious. The office politics of the novel, were too brief and just not convincing. Unfortunately, the office banter may have been the only time the characters seemed to come alive – alive in the sense of trying to reanimate a corpse.  

I'm sure any experienced reader can identify an unengaging and clinical novel. Why it was written this way, I don't know. It's a shame an editor couldn't have injected a bit of zest to it. I'm sure fans of 50 Shades will lap it up, but for me it fell way short. As advice for authors, write to your own style and don't make it boring.
I'm not a great author and I am still learning the ropes, Kinbaku style, but I like to think my stories are interesting and written in a style that is unique to me.

Sexy Cinema - Marfa Girl (2013)

Adam Mediano and Drake Burnette

I have seen most of Larry Clark's film, but I was late seeing this one, simply because I didn't know it existed. Marfa Girl was released exclusively and solely through Larry Clark's website as a digital download. No cinema release, no straight to video, purely digital. Larry Clark was said to be annoyed by the way Ken Park was treated by distributors and critics, due to its sexual content, which was the main reason for an online only release of Marfa Girl. The film was priced at $5.99 for 24 hours access, the film has now been removed as it is now distributed by Spotlight Pictures, does that mean a DVD or Blu Ray release is imminent?

Set in Marfa, Texas; the film is a multiple character driven story about its inhabitants. Adam, a 16 year old, weed smoking, promiscuous male is failing his college class. The character sounds a lot like Telly, from earlier Clark\Korine film, Kids. I suppose, it could describe any number of teenagers in the world today. The difference between Adam and Telly is, Adam seem to have heart and be a good person, rather than be hell-bent on his own self-destruction. Marfa Girl (Drake Burnette) is a trust fund artist that tries to shake things up. We've also got boarder patrol agent, Tom. He's a sexist, racist, bully and the least likeable character.

It's no surprise that issues of immigration and identity play a big part in this film. And to me at least, it was glaringly obvious that the director was using the characters in the film as a mouthpiece for his opinions. This is nothing new in cinema, just look at any Godard film. Coupled with naturalistic acting and a believable plot, the dialogue for me in most parts seemed fake and took away from the realism. The film streamed in 480p, I was disappointed it wasn't higher, but the film looked gorgeous and very crisp.

For Larry Clark fans, it is more of the same. I'm not sure which film is his masterpiece, Kids, Bully or Ken Park - maybe he doesn't have one. Either way, I doubt the majority of audiences will be disappointed if they are looking for a confrontational slice-of-life drama.

Lindsay Jones

Sexy Cinema - Prostitute (1980)

Tony Garnett's social realist drama about prostitution has been out on DVD for a while now, but as one of the characters in this film might say: "I'm a tight git"; so I waited for the price to come down before buying it.

Streetwalking prostitute, Rose gets a three-month prison sentence for, well, street walking. With the help of her friend, benevolent social-worker, Louise they try start a campaign for the legalization of prostitution. Meanwhile, prostitute, Sandra leaves Birmingham and its massage parlours to become a "high class" prostitute in London.

The film could have been preachy, but like Cathy Come Home (a social realist film dealing with homelessness), because of the characterization and human aspect it manages to avoid being overtly moralistic. The film won't be to everyone's taste and a few reviewers described the film as boring. I can see why, but despite the subject matter, which has been done to death since, I found it fascinating. Have a look at Secret Diaries of a Call Girl to see a glamorized and some would say false view of prostitution. The film is shot to seem like a documentary. The acting is very naturalistic. It's a wonder why the actresses involved haven't been more successful or better known, or like many British actors tipped as being the next big thing, they just dropped off the radar or chose family life.Unfortunately, this film has a few stereotypes. They may not have been at the time, but the bent copper that gets paid off with oral sex and cash and the "dolly birds" discussing men's penises are all comedy clichés. At the time, and given this film was meticulously researched the corrupt policemen and chatty tarts were probably a regular staple of that lifestyle.

The film serves as an interesting period piece and seems distinctively retro. Look out for a Raleigh Chopper bike, complete with "testicle crippler" brake handle and many cars you don't see on the road any more. And while Birmingham may appear crowded and full of concrete skyscrapers to audiences in the 1980s, especially those from rural areas, compared to Birmingham in the 21st century it is positively sparse. The same can be applied to London. In one scene that has a lot of impact. A client dresses as a little girl and meets Sandra who is dressed as a little girl. "I look like a Berk" she proclaims. What follows is a stilted conversation, about the man wanting to play with her. Sandra warms to him and loosens up. This scene may have been highly shocking at the time, now with adult baby minding and cross dressing becoming well-known, the impact is taken away slightly, but it still makes you unsettled. That is a testament to acting and direction. In short, it's not a timeless movie, but why should it be?

The DVD has been remastered and has a superb picture, free from archive damage. For a film of this age as you would expect sound is 2.0 stereo, all levels are clear and free from static and other aural annoyances. The DVD is fully uncut and features the explicit oily handjob scene that was cut for cinema release. There's also a bonus documentary as an extra Jan Worth's Taking a Part - which is a student film about prostitution and is worth a look, at least once. Well worth the £8 I paid for it and I'm so glad that this isn't another lost British film.

Sexy Cinema - Bambola (1996)

Bambola is directed by the late, great Bigas Luna. Bambola means doll in Italian, it is also the nickname of lead character, Mina (played by Valeria Marini). The plot is quite simple: Bambola is a gorgeous, leggy blonde, her mother dies and she opens a pizzeria with her homosexual brother, Flavia. Overweight, but jealous Ugo loaned her the money. Whether he wanted sexual services in exchange for the loan is unclear. He has a violent confrontation with Bambola's boyfriend, Settimio. Ugo is killed accidentally (and farcically), Settimio is imprisoned for murder. Settimio meets psychopathic inmate Furio. Furio takes a shine to Bambola; he becomes obsessed with her. At that point the plot becomes weird and increasingly gratuitous.

I rate Bigas Luna as a director, but this fell way short. The frequent rape scenes make for uncomfortable viewing, and I'm sure they will put off many viewers. Valeria Marini doesn't really play Bambola with enough heart, to make the viewer feel empathy for the lead character. Coupled with other one-dimensional characters, like Furio, that seem very similar to the mental cases Ben Ng or Simon Yam used to portray in Category III exploitation films, makes for uninvolved viewing. The black comedy is well-done at the start of the film; Bambola wears a black bikini to mourn her mother's death - this is arguably the best joke. The comedy becomes jarring to the point where you can't tell if it is supposed funny or serious. Overall, it's an OK, but flawed film.

For superior servings of Bigas Luna check out dark comedy, Golden Balls a film that captures the seedy and self-destructive notion of the American dream or alternatively Jamon Jamon (Salami Salami) a lurid sexy comedy with great performances from at the time largely unknowns Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem.

Sexy Cinema - Cover Me Babe (1970)

Directed by Noel Black (Pretty Poison, Private School). This is a film about a defiant, but cold-hearted student filmmaker (Tony Hall, played by Robert Forster) trying to get a studio contract. Tony's films consist of documentary-style footage of implied sex scenes that he has filmed, an interview with a hobo and even a suicide jumper. Tony seems to be set on jeopardising his future career or maybe he is a defiant anarchist. This isn't clear. It transpires that he clearly has a gift for manipulating people and can get them to act naturally for his camera. He manages to piss off his college prof and two-time his on-off girlfriend for no real reason.

This is a strange film, if publisher 20th Century Fox did demand his script to be censored it would certainly be the reason why it seems unfocused. It was rumoured Noel Black wanted Al Pacino to play the lead role of Tony, once again Fox refused. If he had got the part would he have been as successful in the future? Pacino probably wouldn't have made The Panic in Needle Park, which was arguably his big break. Robert Forster does an OK job of playing the bastard, but is a bit wooden and lacks the charm to make you care about the unsympathetic character's outcome. He also looked slightly too old for the role of a student (he was 29 at the time). The crumpet is in the form of Sondra Locke and Susanne Benton, both look the part and act well. The film lacks polish and style, maybe Fox scrimped on the budget.

There's some nudity and implied sex scenes. The version doing the rounds seems to be largely uncut, although it has been suggested the cinema version had extended scenes. It is sometimes shown on Fox Movies. There is also an edited PG version of the film. This film seemed like a poor man's Medium Cool (also starring Robert Forster in the lead). It's not really worth anyone's time, but it is an interesting and dated curio. 

 

Sexy Cinema - Sexy Thrillers of the 80s and 90s

These films were box office smashes in the 1980s and 1990s. Basic Instinct is one of best known and one of the better films. These films started to die out in the late 90s. Many were panned. Disclosure and Sliver being two that garnered unfavourable reviews, but are half-decent films. Teen films took over. Cruel Intentions is sort-of a sexy thriller. Unfortunately, I think Hollywood realised that most of the money is to be made in family and teen films, and we end up with less mainstream "grown-up" films as a result. Given the moderate success of films like: Stoker and The Quiet, the tide could be turning.

Characteristics

• Often feature Yuppie-type characters, or rich business people (e.g. lawyers)
• Are often violent in places
• Are 15 or 18 rated in the UK, often R-Rated in US
• Sometimes feature a barely incomprehensible plot or ending
• Often feature a black mail subplot or a character that could "lose everything"
• Most have steamy sex scenes

Very Brief Reviews
Basic Instinct -  A must see. Crazy, violent and sexy. Features the iconic and much spoofed leg crossing scene and the ridiculous, confusing ending. 7/10. Also, check out spoof film Blondes Have more Guns.
Disclosure - Worth a watch. Part legal drama, part alternative reality, largely boring. 6/10.
Sliver - Dull. One with frequent sex scenes, but not even that can save it. 5/10.
Body Double - Excellent film. Spoofs the 70's porn industry to a tight-fitting tee. 7/10.
Consenting Adults - Silly, but stylish thriller film. Not worth anyone's time. 5/10.
Species - Sci-Fi alien-themed horror with a sexy edge. Not bad, albeit very corny. 6/10.
Bitter Moon - A class act from Polanksi, but it's overly long and quite dull. 6.5/10.
Fatal Attraction - The film that created the phrase "bunny boiler". Well worth a look. 7/10.
Zandalee - Rubbish and ridiculous. It was a flop for a reason. 4/10.
Cat People - Another horror themed one. Vastly underrated with a great soundtrack. I even bought a poster of it. 7/10.
Single White Female - Despite the hype surrounding this film, I expected more. 6/10.
Bound - Ends up stereotyping both Lesbians and gangsters. A stylish film, but it fell short of the mark for me. 6/10.

Late 90s and 21st Century Films
Basic Instinct 2 - The sequel was way too late and it's a boring film. 5/10.
Cruel Intentions - One for the kids? What it does it does very well. 6/10.
Stoker - A posh exploitation film. Suffers from being very cold and clinical though. 7/10.
The Quiet - a dark drama. Won't be to most people's taste. 7/10.
Eyes Wide Shut - A fine film. I'm not sure about the casting, but Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman pull it off. 8/10
Hollow Man - Horror based. Promised a lot, delivered little. 6/10.
Wild Things - Strange, but definitely sexy. It's OK. 6/10.
Where the Truth Lies - Frankly, it's the dog's bollocks. One of the best on this list. 8/10.

Sexy Cinema - Mini Skirt Gang (1974)

Bikini Bandits

From the mighty Shaw Brothers Studio comes this weird, campy "sex" comedy. In the late 60s and 70s there was a boom in these sexy comedies around the world, due partly to censorship becoming more relaxed and the audience's appetite for salacious films. I'm guessing this is Shaw Brothers attempt to cash-in on this pitiful genre.

Released in 1974, directed by Chi Lu. The plot centres around a female gang of grifters. They pull scams and generally pickpocket victims by posing as prostitutes or horny females; depending on which way you view their portrayal. The humour is as joyless as the majority of sex comedies. It often consists of men being caught with their pants down and pulling some clown-ish expressions after being caught. It's like an unfunny Benny Hill sketch. The female gang get mixed-up with some bumbling gangsters and hide out from a group of policemen, leading to more farcical scenarios, disguised as a plot. 

It's evident I don't care for this film. The good points are: it has a short running time, the actresses are pretty and bizarrely Danish actress Birt Trove features, and it has a kitschy charm. It's not really worth your time, especially given the fact that it is quite difficult to find. It's available on DVD in Sweden and Denmark (under the title BikiniBanden). For Shaw Brothers completists only.

Sexy Cinema: Cashback

It's not an exploitation film, it's not a sexy horror film ... it's a British Rom-Com. That's right a Rom-Com - the hybrid word that inspires millions of blokes to baulk in repugnant horror, usually after hearing the answer to the question: "what sort of film should we pick, darling?"

Loveable loser, Ben (Sean Biggerstaff) becomes an insomniac after splitting up with his girlfriend, Suzy (Michelle Ryan). To cope with his insomnia he becomes a worker in a late night Supermarket and finds himself attracted to doe-faced girl next door type, Sharon (Emilia Fox). He competes for her affections and pursues his burgeoning art career. With the lead character being an artist we are treated to his opinion of female aesthetic beauty, this includes lots of female nudity.

Like many Rom-Coms, a lot of the jokes in Cashback are obvious and cheap, but the film has a surprisingly high hit rate with some funny moments. The comedy makes way for a fairly routine "will they, won't they" drama scenario towards the end. The photography is very pleasing and obviously capture the female form, and the poster is great - that is enough for me to consider it sexy.

Based on a short film of the same name. Readily available on DVD in most countries. It's well worth a look.

Ben does a few sketches

Sexy Cinema - The Washing Machine (Vortice mortale)

Weird choice for a film title - the blandness draws you in (and the sleazy poster art). Directed by Italian exploitation director, Ruggero Deodato (Cut and Run, Cannibal Holocaust etc) in 1993. The plot is about a police inspector who encounters three sisters, each one tries to seduce him and play games with him. He investigates a seemingly ridiculous case, a wealthy pimp disappears and one drunken sister claims to have seen his body chopped-up in a washing machine, very bizarre. The plot twists are just enough to keep you gripped, but they are far from subtle. With a theme of clairvoyance and some great cinematography; the film draws comparisons to Argento's masterpiece, Suspiria. The plot also seems to have borrowed from the American movie, Basic Instinct (the sisters theme, a sleazy cop, the combination of stylish sex and violence etc). Like some Giallo films the plot becomes an unintelligible mess, but it gives you just enough to (almost) piece it together coherently. The soundtrack is excellent, but it only appears to be a few tracks - it gets repetitive quickly. There is also plenty of flesh and sex scenes on display, the film lavishes them. Fans of sleazy movies won't be disappointed. Worth checking out if you are a horror fan, but it is a fairly mediocre movie, that leaves you feeling unfulfilled, a bit like the men in this film.

Italian cover art

Decameron Vs Virgin Territory

Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron has been adapted many times for screen. Which is better: silly, comedy, Virgin Territory or Pier Paolo Pasolini's The Decameron?

Virgin Territory is the newest of the two (2008).  It's a very loose adaptation of the stories and has been compared to American Pie. The film was poorly received by critics, I thought it was OK, but only OK.  It's a very light hearted, albeit vulgar comedy. Despite being a co-production with many European countries, the humour is distinctly British - lots of cheap knob gags, lots of jokes about poor sexual performance and a very obvious joke about milking a cow. I think they were going for an action-comedy, but the action is crap - the slapstick sword fights wouldn't look out of place in Disney's adaptation of Robin Hood. The jokes are largely crap and obvious, I did find myself laughing a few times though. The sex scenes are briefs, but plentiful with lots of breasts on display. It's a juvenile film aimed at a teen audience.

Passolini's Decameron is regarded as a classic. The film features adaptations of many of Boccaccio's tales. Like many of Passolini's films it does shy away from showing sex scenes. Like Virgin Territory it is a comedy, but is less obvious and more witty in its approach. The sets and costumes are lavish and given that it is based on an Italian book and by an Italian director, it seems more authentic than Virgin Territory. The main criticisms I have with this film are: at nearly two hours long it almost outstays its welcome, the picture is washed out - I saw this on DVD, the Blu-Ray may rectify this.

Which is better? Passolini's version, of course. Was there ever a contest?
Both films are readily available on DVD and BR.

50 Shades of O

Everyone from an 18-year-old college girl to their 70-something Grandmother has heard of 50 Shades of Grey. This Twilight inspired fan fiction has gone on to become the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Everyone knows of its success, what many people don't realize is the story is very similar to Anne Desclos' (superior) Histoire d'O (Story of O). Anne Desclos used the pseudonym, Pauline Réage.

Let's look at the similarities:
Both feature a female lead character, who has a "master" - in O's case she has at least two.
Both are about a young woman's sexual awakening
Both feature male characters who are wealthy
Both feature characters taking part in Sadomasochism and bondage.
Both are by female authors.
Both feature submissive female characters 

Some of the similarities my seem tenuous, but I find it interesting how ideas get reused and in some cases, changed to be geared towards a new audience. There could be an equally long list of differences. The most obvious being the era each novel is set in.

It is worth seeking out the film version of Story of O by Emmanuelle director, Just Jaeckin. It features the lush costumes, panoramic scenery and style of Emmanuelle, but is little bit more depraved in its depiction of sexual activity. The film, Story of O was not released in England on video until 2000, the original 1975 cinema release was banned. It received a limited cinema re-release in 2000 - to my knowledge it only played one cinema in London.

Maid in Japan

Yui Kano in Cat Girl Kiki

Maid uniforms turn up in many films, from around the world. A French-style maid uniform with a long skirt, long sleeves and white apron, regularly turns up in Japanese films and anime. This style of uniform differs from the Western version. The western version found in American, UK and some European films is a bit more slutty. It often features a shorter skirt, is sleeveless or short sleeved and often low cut to show off cleavage. There are also leather and latex variants. There are many differences in styles, but as to why the Japanese version is so distinctive is unknown, at least to me.

Some films with Japanese Maid uniforms:
Mahoromatic Anime Series 
Cat Girl Kiki features a maid uniform as well as some other ones.
Friends with Money features a Jennifer Aniston wearing a good example of a low-cut Western one.
Bizarrely, Betty Boop is sometimes depicted wearing one.

Battle in Heaven - Anapola Mushkadiz

Anapola Mushkadiz

I watched Battle in Heaven (Batalla en el cielo) recently. It's a 2005 Mexican film directed by Carlos Reygadas.

I'm not going to write about the plot because that information is available elsewhere. The film is a powerful, poetic and lyrical film; a true art film in every sense of the word. It features religious iconography, contrast with very explicit real sex scenes. Due to the sex scenes, it wasn't taken as seriously as it should have been and it meant that some viewers watched it purely for the sex scenes and were disappointed by the films abstract nature. It begs the question as to: why films with explicit sex scenes can't be considered artistic? Why can't a pornographic, but stylish and complex film like, The Devil in Miss Jones be held with the same regard as anything to come out of Hollywood, world cinema or the independent film stables? Because most critics won't allow it. It's worth pointing out Battle in Heaven isn't a porn film. It's also worth pointing out that although I liked the film very much, it's not a great film (it is simply very good); it is however, one of the more interesting and original films that I've watched this year. It's available on DVD in USA, UK, France and Spain to name a few, so, check it out if you get the chance, but it's not for everybody.

Anapola Mushkadiz is the gorgeous actress who plays Ana in the film. According to Imdb, so far, she's only played another acting role in Hate 2o also, as a character called Ana. She has one of the best bodies I've seen in a film for a long time and strange, but nice hair (in the film she wears seashells in it!).