Erotica that reads like a shopping list

I was reading Haven of Obedience recently, and with no disrespect intended towards the author, it was like reading a shopping list. I respect both, indie and mainstream authors, as writing is like giving away a fragment of you soul. Blood, sweat and tears immortalised in Times New Roman. Whilst it is an achievement to have a paperback printed, especially in the saturated "50 Shades" style erotica genre, is it an excuse for a lack of imagination?

To me it read as if the author was avoiding clumsy metaphors and vulgar slang. What we end up with is female genitalia being referred to as "sex lips" and oral sex described as "extensively licking". It's so insipid that I wish she had described the penis as "a purple-headed monster" just to inject a bit of humour. If it was a film it would be a drama told with po-faced seriousness. I can forgive an author for being serious or over-cautious, to avoid obvious clichés when describing sex. But, even the descriptions of objects are boring: "a semi-fitted cardigan". Was the author or publisher trying to avoid naming brand names? Brett Easton Ellis names nothing but designer threads and as far as I'm aware he hasn't been sued for it.

The other thing which was glaringly obvious to me was the dialogue was written how she thinks people talk, rather than how they actually talk. Many modern novels suffer from the over use of idiomatic phrases and weird vernacular. Once again, maybe she was being cautious. The office politics of the novel, were too brief and just not convincing. Unfortunately, the office banter may have been the only time the characters seemed to come alive – alive in the sense of trying to reanimate a corpse.  

I'm sure any experienced reader can identify an unengaging and clinical novel. Why it was written this way, I don't know. It's a shame an editor couldn't have injected a bit of zest to it. I'm sure fans of 50 Shades will lap it up, but for me it fell way short. As advice for authors, write to your own style and don't make it boring.
I'm not a great author and I am still learning the ropes, Kinbaku style, but I like to think my stories are interesting and written in a style that is unique to me.